Tag Archives: Ramblings

Where have you been?????

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Soo…. my lil hiatus is officially over! Did you miss me?? So what have you been up to? How’s the farm and kids? What have you grown lately?

So I’ll be blooging regularly again. I’ve missed writing to you and quite frankly I’m not sure why I’ve been gone so long when we have so much to talk about. Here are some highlights of happenings while I’ve been gone:

  1. Nothing

Seriously though not much has changed since my last ramble. My place is still on the market, I’ve come close to getting an offer a couple of times but their finance has fallen through. I had an inspection last weekend with a really nice couple and I’m hopeful they love it enough to make an offer. It seemed to tick all the right boxes for them and it’s what they’re looking for so I’ll just have to be patient and wait to hear from them. I’ve got another inspection this coming weekend so that’s plan b I guess 🙂  One of the bonuses to having a house inspection is that my house is so sparkly and clean, it’s a really nice feeling.

Check out the sky the other day, it looked painted after the storm so I had to take pics 🙂

painted sky1painted sky
One thing that has changed is that I’ve started Geoff Lawton’s online Permaculture Design Course and totally loving it. I can’t remember if I mentioned wanting to do it here before (I’ll have to read my own blog!) but it’s turning out to be more than I hoped for and I’m seriously inspired and learning so much. I’ve had a few ideas on things to do around the place but I’m still going to move as there are too many things that just aren’t right about the place for me that even permaculture can’t remedy.

BUT I have found a new plot of land recently that would be just perfect to build my straw bale house upon. I’ve even come up with a name for it but I’m not going to share just yet as I don’t want to jinx it. And I need to sell this place first before I start looking too far ahead. I may  or may not have looked up domain names and WordPress names for this place and contemplated buying a domain for it… again… trying not to jump the gun too much hehe.

Duck update: I’m down to two – Bruce and Blondie. I had 4 for the longest time and then 3 of them did a little disappearing act but came back a few weeks later after I’d rehomed the drake (Frank) who was left behind as he was stressed out living all alone. The two girls disappeared for a week a short while later and only Blondie came back so RIP Chicken, she always was a big ole scaredy cat. I was almost a grandmother again this year as Blondie went all broody in the coop again this last month but fate stepped in and the weekend that they were due to hatch, the eggs mysteriously disappeared. I have a feeling this big guy:

goanna
snuck in the coop and had himself a lil duck dinner. I’d seen him hanging around the house for a week or two and of course now that all the eggs are gone I haven’t seen him back. It’s also starting to get colder so that could also be why. While I love the ducklings cuz they’re so darn cute I really didn’t want them right now if I’m about to move out (depending whether the new owner is interested in keeping them of course) so while it’s sad that they were eaten, it’s also, selfishly, a good thing. The circle of life n all that.

Anyway I just wanted to pop my head in and see how you are, glad you’re well 🙂  I won’t be a stranger, I promise!

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Decisions and regrets

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Hmmm so it seems another month has gone by…. how is that actually possible?? Damn you WP for not posting all those kickass mental posts that I’ve thought up in this past month. Geeeez.

I’ve had the last two weeks off work to sort out some shit and during this time I’ve come to a very regretable/sad/kickingmyselfinthebutt/dumb realisation. This place is not “The One”. I’ve almost been here a year and it’s taken me all of that time to work it out. Dumbass.

The fact that I still haven’t fully unpacked and have only just recently unpacked my ‘study’ should have been a clue. The fact that I was so fkn impatient and just wanted to get out of my Mum’s house should have been a clue. The fact that the tidy sum of money that I had saved from the sale of my last place and which I’d intended on using for the renos etc to make this place what I wanted it to be but was wiped out because I had to use it as part of a 20% deposit due to the size of the land should have been a clue. The fact that there is no area for grazing animals should have been a clue. The fact that I should NOT have trusted the agent when he said that the council had been out inspecting weeds and found nothing should have been a clue. I should have tested the soil depth and quality so that I didn’t discover that I’m basically sitting on shale rock with 5 cm of soil on top so I can’t really plant or grow anything unless it’s in a raised bed. The house is functional but needs updating and now that we’re back to winter again it’s really cold and I wryly find myself thinking… wouldn’t be cold if it was a fkn strawbale house dumbass.

Don’t get me wrong I LOVE this place, the seclusion and serenity, it’s just not the right land for what I now know what I want to do. And I’m never going to be able to save up enough money to do the house improvements that I want to do or install solar, or improve the soil or plant an orchard etc etc etc ad infinitum ad nauseum. When I had to give up my little pot of money for the deposit I thought “oh it’ll be fiiiine, I’m not in a rush, it’ll work out when I need to find money to do things”. That day won’t come. There’ll always be something cropping up (like the weedspraying which I still haven’t done and have to get cracking on this winter).  So many things I need like a ride on lawnmower/slasher to keep this place under control but that’s not gonna happen either. I should have fkn clued on and said impatience begone! and walked away from it. I do remember having second thoughts about it but just brushed them aside because of the strong strong feeling of just wanting to get on with it and have my own space again. Maybe this is also a lesson in second thoughts and gut feelings for me.

And despite finding this place and loving it, I have to acknowledge that I still have in my heart that need to build my strawbale house that I’d planned before. I should have stuck to my dream and just given myself an uppercut and waited til the right bit of land came along. Instead I compromised. Bzzzt, wrong, thanks for playing.

So I’m going to sell. But of course, in this Part 2 of LESSON IN PATIENCE I can’t do anything for another year because part of my mortgage is fixed (also a mistake) and reading the fine print says that it’s going to be super expensive to break that fixed portion early. AND I’ve still got to find the right land AGAIN. Last time it took me one and a half fucking YEARS to find this place… I just need to have faith and hope that because this time I am doing what I set out to do in the first place that it won’t take as long. I have already started to have a look around and found a nice parcel of land that meets those previous criteria (except there’s no real water on the land except a couple of dams but with all I’ve been reading on permaculture and dam building that shouldn’t really be an issue, just on the wishlist) but I can’t do anything yet.

I don’t want to torture myself too much with looking because financially I can’t do anything til that fixed portion can be changed back to variable but it’s so hard not to. I just feel so dumb about all of this. To be back at the start again. I’m trying to just concentrate on the fact that it’s just a giant lesson in patience and sticking to your dreams and not compromising on what you want.

Dumbass.

 

3…2…1… GO!!!

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3 days til I get the keys, 5 days til I move in!! Today is the last Friday before two weeks off… yep I’m hard at work (I’ll pause while you finish laughing). My head is so full of next week’s fun. I picked up the latest copy of Organic Gardener magazine so my brain has been thinking of outside instead of inside. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really excited to see all my stuff which has been sitting in storage for the last 10 (!!!) months but at the same time I have this yen to just leave it all where the removalists put it and spend my time outside exploring and digging and planting. The plus is that while I have 24 something boxes of books, I don’t have any bookcases to put them in yet so I won’t be unpacking them. Just leaves another 25ish boxes of kitchen and bedroom and study stuff to unpack so that should be a snap!

Can’t wait to have time to meet and play with the new ducks and chicken friends. I’ve bought them some mealworms as “Hi I’m your new owner” treats. I’m bursting with new ideas and things that I want to do to the place. Can’t wait to go hiking for hours to explore my mountain, maybe do a bit of fishing in my river and see what’s in there… maybe build a little smoker to smoke my first fish. Yes yes… optimist remember 🙂 I’ve heard there are trout in my river. Can you imagine that?? My very own home caught, home smoked trout? Bursting with bliss I am and I haven’t even got there! I’m going to be positively unbearable once I’ve moved in I’m sure 🙂

I’m thinking about getting a dog too. I want a friendly dog that barks at strangers if that makes sense. I don’t want a really fluffy dog either, bleh all that fur. And not a handbag pooch either, a proper dog. Nor a traditional farm dog like a kelpie, border collie or heeler because they’re bred to run ALL day long and they wouldn’t be doing that at my place so would turn into mad dogs. Something like a Hungarian Vizsla or an Amstaff is what I want. I’ve got friends with both of them and they’re lovely smooth coated dogs with amazing personalities.  Or a pound/RSPCA pup… who knows. The right dawg will find me when I’m ready. I haven’t really been looking lately because I’m sure I’d have fallen in love with a pound puppy and have had nowhere to house him… but in 5 days I will hehehehe.

45 mins left of my working day… hmmm Organic Gardener has a website you say… 😉

And PS… it’s my 60th post!!! Happy 60th!!!

Music messages (and 7 days to go!!!!!!!!!!!)

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Can you believe it? I know I can’t…. 7 days til my bliss/nirvana/serenity home is MINE. And then another day til I move in but that’s beside the point… 7 freaking days! And the weird thing is that I feel a little nervous and can’t quite put my finger on why. Definitely excited but didn’t quite expect to be nervous. I’m weird… I know.

Speaking of weird, I’ve started doing a little experiment for the last month or so and the results are really interesting. I’ve always got a song in my head. Always. It’s very rare that there isn’t a tune zinging around in there (Tove Lo – High at the moment) and I’ve started writing down the song that first plays when I wake up. I was curious as to where the song comes from as sometimes it’s something really random (like this morning’s theme from The Love Boat tv show) and other times it’s a song I heard on the radio or mp3 player the day before. So far it’s about 50/50 between the two but the random songs are the ones that I’m more interested in.

Again with the weirdness, but I’m trying to tune in to the messages, hints, phrase words or whatever they are that I get from these songs. And they are turning out to be very useful and insightful. I’m finding the same thing with things that I read although in this day and age with facebook etc it’s not hard to find some daily inspirational as they get posted thick and fast. But some just hit me square in the face. And whether it’s just me reading things into what I hear and read to soothe something that’s going on in my head I don’t know. But I don’t really believe in coincidence. For example, during a particularly negative and irritating day to read a random spammy email and the person has “From now on, practice reframing other people’s negativity as a reminder of how not to be.” ( T. Harv Eker) at the bottom of their email in their signature block. I keep coming across these little things so I’m trying to pay attention.

And just to totally go to Weirdsville population me, I saw The Matrix the other day for the first time. Yep, first time ever and no I have not been living under a rock. I’ve seen clips and snippets over the years and knew the general storyline but haven’t ever watched the full movie and I gotta say it’s a really thought provoking concept. But the line that stuck with me after watching it was when Morpheus says to Neo “I can only show you the door. You’re the one that has to walk through it”. Which kind of brings me full circle in this post. Maybe that’s why I’m nervous. I can’t help feeling I’m on the cusp of something. Not entirely sure what yet but it feels like I’m about to begin. Not a rabbit hole or anything, probably just a brand spanking fresh new chapter in my life.  As always, I’ll keep ya posted ;}

Am I addicted to porn??

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Surely there’s a website I can go to to find out… one with a poll or multiple choice questionnaire?? Is there therapy for this??? Trawling through the lunchtime blogs today and I came across this lil article:

http://smh.domain.com.au/architects/addicted-to-online-house-porn-20140224-33bjg.html

I was snickering in anticipation as the page loaded up but as I read on I realised this does actually kinda sounds like me in my current state of impatiently-patient-waiting-for-the-right-piece-of-land-so-I-can-build-a-house. The little selection of blogs you see to your right somewhere in the handy widget is but a sprinkling of the interiors blogs I have bookmarked… and sorted into categories, in folders…. which I keep synched between my work and home computers… hmm.

I feel like addiction’s probably too strong a word for it. I’m not jonesin’ for a fix if I don’t get a daily jab of glossy magazine inspiration or wracked with the shakes if haven’t clicked on my top ten fave blog sites for the day. Yes I maaayyy think about the house and what it will look like every 5-23 seconds of the day and get random furniture ideas which make me spring out of bed at 2:45am to search bleary eyed through the interwebs to see if there’s a YouTube tutorial that shows me how I can make it so I can exorcise the thought out of my head. But that’s just an investment in my future home comforts is it not? Hmmmm.

The fact that I was a little miffed at reading the section on “style files” and that I might just have a little folder of magazine cuttings which I intend to put in a “style file” of my own (not to mention this blog which in a way is one giant “style file”) But to say that they’re *GASP*  “regularly containing too much information to be meaningful” and that “clients are encouraged to cull (!!!) their images down to two types – those that they really love, and those they really hate” wtfuckery?? I can only cull down my cherished image collection down to “those I really love” and those “
I REALLY REALLY REALLY TRUELY DECLARE MY UNDYING LOVE AND FIRST BORN CHILD FOR” (bold and underlined thankyouverymuch). Hmmmm.

And did I click on ALL of the links at the bottom of the article with anticipated glee at the new styley goodness awaiting my eyeballs?? um yesss… but but but… the writer, how can she write an article on house porn addiction and then FEED the reader’s alleged addiction with SEVENTEEN sugar coated enticing neon lighted linkages. That’s just mean and cruel and unusual punishment. *sigh*

Maybe there’s a smattering of addiction there. I was in a furniture shop on the weekend and discovered that they had wishbone chairs. I’d never seen one in the fleshy flesh. I was doing a little jig around it (no salaaming and claiming I wasn’t worthy, I promise) and pointing them out to my Mum who just looked at me blankly… as did the overly aggressive sales lady. I felt like standing on the seat and yelling at the top of my lungs “but they’re WISHBONE CHAIRS!!! HANS WEGNER???!! a design classic you heathens!” but I just settled for some quiet eye rolling instead.

Addiction feels like such a dirty word, I don’t like it. Addiction, no. Obsession yes 🙂

Musings

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I was talking with my Mum last night and she asked what my understanding of my life’s purpose is and I have to admit I don’t know yet (apart from learn what I can in the time that I have). I’m still trying to work out where my life is heading and what I’m sposed to be doing and I don’t have a clue. That scares the cack out of me because time keeps ticking by at a furious rate and I’m hitting a big milestone next year AKA 40 and this is totally not where I thought my life would be at this age.

Right now I’m focusing on finding my land so I can build my house and grow my veg and I have a feeling that that is a step in the right direction. I’ve had a few “signs” that it is so I can only assume that I’m traveling on the right path and that things will be revealed to me when I need to know. But you know how patient I am…. (ie NOT AT ALL)

That being said, a friend sent me this today:
if you're not doing what you love

From http://rawforbeauty.com/blog/if-you-are-not-doing-what-you-love-you-are-wasting-your-time-billy-joel-2.html

And that struck quite a chord with me today particularly in light of my convo last night and my resulting melancholy mood. Basically because I feel like I’ve been wasting my time in what I’ve been doing with my life for the last 20 or so years. I don’t feel like I’ve actually achieved anything or done anything GREAT* and I’m not sure whether that’s because of the societal peer pressure on what a “normal” life is supposed to look like and how mine measures up or whether it’s the standard that I use to measure life. And as I’ve previously ranted about I feel like I’m wasting my time every single day being a desk jockey (although not the last couple of weeks as I’ve been doing house research while at work heheh… shhhh don’t tell the boss!).

The problem is, what is the remedy? I know the things I love to do but unfortunately the way the world is structured I need money to pay the bills and my future mortgage. It’s the old platitude of “do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life”. And that’s the trick. So very few people get to that point in their lives. I don’t lack for creativity or bravery to take a giant leap and pursue my loves but they’re not things that could sustain my financial life, only my “love” life if you will. And I don’t want to build this house only to lose it but I don’t want to be chained to the desk to maintain it. Damn you filthy lucre -.-

I don’t like feeling like I’m not the master of my destiny. I’m in control of me, I’m the driver of this bus. And yet I don’t have the directions to steer myself down the way I want to go. Part of the reason I love to read other people’s blogs, the ones who are living the life I aspire to, is to work out how they did it and are doing it. And then try and work out how I can too (and not be an underpants gnome*) and see if I can divine their secret road map.

So it’s a lesson in patience at the moment. And try not to feel like I’m in limbo. Keep doing what I’m doing and wait and see. Keep dreaming my dream, keep the laser focus on creating the life I want to live. Baby steps eh? I never was really good at that 🙂

More housey goodness and less of the pensive ramblings next time I promise.

*Great as in Big, Major, Important, Significant not fun, wonderful, very good because I have had those kind of great times.

*Underpants Gnome – http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2012/04/05/underpants-gnomes/